A Fantastic Tale
by animekraze
Summary: of the devishly handsome Megamind versus the evil and unspectacular Hourly Pandora. OC villain, but no one cares because no one is as fantastic as Megamind.


**Instead of putting this in the other fic I made, I'm making this a one-shot. Mostly because the other one is an archive for more character centric pieces, while this is like a completely different adventure all together. It felt weird putting a new villain in the same fic that already is about to introduce Cumulus Doomicus. I'M SO CREATIVE WITH NAMES GAIZZZZ.  
**

* * *

"So, Ms. Ritchie, word on the street is that, like, you're totally in love with this guy who has a giant, blue head and has the body of a twelve year old girl." Haley, Roxanne's new camerawoman, had casually walked into her office with two cans of diet soda and a curiosity big enough to kill cats. "I mean, like, that's cool and all, but you move quickly after Metroman's death, you know?"

"First of all, Metroman and I were never a thing. He just wasn't my type. Second, yes, I do love Megamind. There's nothing wrong with that." Roxanne said, opening her free can of soda and taking a sip.

"Except for the whole interspecies relationship thing." Haley mumbled in her soda. "Does he even know how to have sex? Like, he can't even pronounce melancholy right."

Roxanne cleared her throat, glaring at Haley. "Anyway, why are you here."

Haley nodded, still sipping her soda, and dug through her messenger bag for a manila folder. She slapped the folder on the desk, swallowed her soda, and drew in a long breath. "Cumulus Doomicus is a new supervillain, and, like, he used to work here, like, eons ago. Mark Weatherman was his name, and, like, he was so totally bitter about being cut off here, you know? So, like, he came back just a couple days ago and can, like, control the weather and stuff."

Roxanne nodded, and then picked up the manila folder. "Is this all the information?"

"No."

Roxanne looked at the folder suspiciously. "Then, what's it for?"

"I dunno, some dude out front shoved it in my hands and told me to, like, give it to you, Ms. Ritchie." Haley said, and rose from her seat in front of Roxanne's desk. "I hate working two camera jobs, like, it's so stressful driving everywhere." She groaned, tossing the empty soda can at the trashcan.

The can missed, but for reasons other than bad trajectory. The can, had left Haley's hand in perfect trajectory towards the trashcan. In fact, Haley was quite excited. That is, until the can suddenly stopped and floated in midair just a ways before the trashcan. The can then shook, motioning towards the trashcan and towards the door, before deciding to drop into the trashcan.

Haley would have screamed if it weren't for Roxanne reaching over her desk and clamping a hand over her camerawoman's mouth. "Wh gng n?" Haley shrieked through Roxanne's hand.

Roxanne grinned, laughing nervously to break tension. "From how the can suddenly floated that distance away from the trashcan, I'd say Minion is here. Somehow."

"Mn'n?"

"Stop screaming."

"Sr'y."

Roxanne looked towards the door. "Why are you here, Minion?"

A clamp and succession of whirs was her response before a click, something like a button being pressed was heard. A flash of colors and Minion appeared, hunched over the doorknob and a nervous smile on his face (head). "Hello."

"Hello, Minion." Roxanne let go of Haley, placing her hands on her hips. "What are you doing?"

Haley pointed at Minion in terror. "Fish can't, like, talk!"

"Megamind told me to make sure you opened that folder." Minion said, pointing to the manila folder on the desk.

Roxanne looked at the folder and picked it up. "What's inside?"

Minion shrugged. "He's been working on it all night."

Haley grabbed Roxanne's arm. "Why does he look like a gorilla?"

Roxanne turned the folder in her hands, examining every surface before open the folder. As soon as she opened the folder, a beam of light shot out and a hologram of Megamind appeared.

"Is this on?" The hologram Megamind asked someone off screen.

"Sir, the camera is running and rolling." Minion said off screen in the recording.

"Ah, good, well then." Megamind faced Roxanne, the camera, and stood straight with his hands behind his back. He cleared his throat. "Roxanne, this would make half a year since Metroman's disappearance, and half a year since I used Bernard's appearance to become closer to you."

"Like, that's just messed up, man." Haley mumbled, backing away from the hologram.

"Half a year since Titan's villainy, half a year since I lost the invisible car when you left me alone in the rain and rejected my fleeting heart. And half a year since I became a hero." Megamind rocked on the balls of his feet, hands still behind his back. "In those months up until now, I have dwelled in excruciating boredom in the times of wonderful peace, fought small time villains, and kept this city of ours safe. And in all these months you've been by my side, never abandoning me when the situation seemed diesmahl. So, Roxanne," He brought his hands forward, producing a bouquet of red and blue roses, ignoring Minion's correction of his pronunciation of the word dismal. "Thank you, and I love you."

"That was very—very," Minion sniffed off screen. "Very beautiful, sir."

"Yes, I know. Now, Roxanne, I obviously can't give these flowers to you right now. So they'll be waiting here. With me. And Minion. Right here." Megamind handed the bouquet to Minion. "I'll see you later." He waved, a gentle smile on his face. He continued to wave for a long moment, and continued to wave for even longer. "Minion, is the camera off yet?"

"Seems like we can't turn it off, sir."

"Can't turn it off?" Megamind cried out incredulously. "You just press the button and it turns off!" He motioned towards the camera. "Brain bot, come to daddy." The camera came closer and bumped into Megamind's head. "Too close! Okay, let's see here. No, that's not right—OW, _bad_ brain bot, BAD!" The camera shook, a flurry of indistinguishable shapes flying past the camera before it turned off.

The folder closed itself as the hologram message ended and Roxanne placed the folder on the desk. She was smiling wide enough to hurt her ears.

Haley glanced at Minion. "Your boss is, like, a total dork."

Minion smiled and nodded.

* * *

"Looks like your _time_ is up, Megamind!"

"Too bad, haven't you heard? Today's daylights savings and I've got an _extra hour_!"

"Wrong one, you're an hour _too late_."

"The watch is on the other wrist, Hourly Pandora, and you've spent all your minutes!"

"And you're going _over time_, Megamind!" Hourly Pandora shouted.

Hourly Pandora was Megamind's first villain after his subsequent status change from supervillain to superhero. Hourly Pandora was a bitter watch and clock maker, a young woman who inherited the family watch making business from her father. She was doing well until a large, more expensive corporation landed a spot right next to her humble shop. Business fell, as people, like birds, were more attracted to the shiny watches rather than Hourly Pandora's impeccable accuracy on time. She had to close down the shop, and since then vowed vengeance on the watch corporation, Grandfather Watch. Her primary powers were the ability to speed up and slow down time for five seconds. The effect could reach a one-mile radius, or affect one person at a time. All of this came from a near indestructible watch that was securely attached to her wrist.

Megamind, riding his favorite motion sensor robot, managed to avoid the beam that could alter his time (after the nth time). He quickly dodged in between buildings, catching his breath from gesturing in such a dramatic manner. Her powers were too strong. He had been caught in the beams several times already, suffering enough damage to his machinery (and by that, his ego). And she had such _good comebacks_.

Down below, Roxanne was reporting the scene. "It looks like Megamind has retreated. What will his next plan of action be against Metro City's new villain?" She projected into the microphone, holding the earpiece steady in her ear as she ran closer to Hourly Pandora.

Haley gulped, not having been so close to perilous danger. Well, as perilous as this danger could be.

"Come out, Megamind." Hourly Pandora cried out. She tinkered with her watch. "Time's only relative, and I can easily change those tides. Just one click and time can slow down quite a bit around here." She turned, checking her surroundings. She knew that she wouldn't be able to find Megamind within a five second limit, and even if she did he was too fast and too tall to do any sort of affective damage. "I don't have to get _you_. I can destroy a few buildings, uproot a few pipes, make this place into a real hellhole." She turned again and settled her eyes on Roxanne, who was too close to the action. "Even your little girlfriend."

"Roxanne." Megamind gasped.

Roxanne gulped, "Go, go, _go_!" She ran back, pushing Haley along the way.

"Ms. Ritchie, when they told me that this job would be exciting, I didn't think it would be an _exit_ exciting!"

"You should be in danger more often, you actually sound like a decent human being!"

"Funny, I'll remember that the next time we're about to **die**_**.**_"

Hourly Pandora grinned and pressed the slow button on her watch, and then directed the fast effect to herself. She looked up, saw that Megamind was just a couple feet away from grabbing her. She quickly ran over to Roxanne and grabbed her, checking her watch. "The hands of time have stopped for your little girlfriend, Megamind." She laughed menacingly, and quickly ran before the time effect ended.

* * *

"Sir, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Minion. Knowing that she-devil, she won't hurt Roxanne. It's foolish to injure a hostage."

Megamind had retreated to his lair, knowing that there was no point in trying to search for Roxanne. He still had the mind of a supervillain. He knew that a message would soon arrive. "Is that…camera girl doing well?"

"She seemed a little shell shocked and worried. Other than that, no bodily harm." Minion replied.

"Good. Roxanne would _kill_ me if she found out she lost another camera person." Megamind sighed, flopping back onto his leather chair. "So I guess this was how Metroman felt whenever Roxanne got kidnapped." He said, scrunching his nose and pouting with a ferocious pouting power. This _sucks_."

Minion frowned. "I'm worried for Ms. Ritchie as well, sir." He slouched, pouting as well.

"It's the first time she got kidnapped since I became good." Megamind said, sliding down his chair. "She's got the experience at least."

"I'm surprised you're not that worried, sir." Minion said.

"Well, I am worried. Very worried, but what can I do?" Megamind threw his arms up in the air. "I'm not Metroman, I can't use my supervision and superhearing and fly around with my superspeed and super—superness!" He exclaimed, frustration boiling over. "I have a giant, blue head, not giant, blue pecs." He said, flexing in the hopes of spontaneously producing awesome strength. "If only I had the super strength."

Minion slouched even further, looking down to the floor.

Megamind suddenly sat up straight. "That's it. Super strength. I know what to do!"

* * *

"Why are you here?" Metroman said, having walked back to his living room from the bathroom. He was greeted with the pleasant surprise of Megamind sitting on his couch, having eaten his homemade fries and drinking his water.

"These are really good fries. Can you give the recipe to Minion?"

"Why are you here?" Metroman repeated, dragging his feet along as he walked to Megamind. He heavily seated himself on the couch.

Megamind finished the fries, gulped down the rest of the water and took a deep breath. "Roxanne's been kidnapped by this woman who can control time within a five second limit, but she can surpass that limit sort of by also making herself faster or slower and so she kidnapped Roxanne while pretty much freezing the rest of us in suspended motion and now I'm really worried and I think your superspeed and superstrength can help defeat this woman." Megaman gasped for air as soon as he finished.

Metroman stared. "This sounds a lot like that time you used the Time Paradox machine, except more successful."

"Eh, I'm like the Woodward and Evans to Edison."

"Exactly, so why don't you just work off of what you know?"

"Why don't you help me?"

"Because this is _your_ calling, not mine. I'm retired, remember?"

It was Megamind's turn to stare. "So, absolutely no help whatsoever?"

Metroman shrugged. "Unless there's some really serious danger going on, it's not my place." He grabbed Megamind's shoulders in a friendly manner. "It's your place now. You've got the brains and the brawns for this, little buddy. You pretty much defeated a stupider version of me earlier. You can defeat anyone."

Megamind slouched. "But, I don't know what to do. She catches on quickly. She has such good comebacks!"

"Okay, so what do you know about her?"

"She can control time, making it significantly slower or faster. It only lasts for five seconds, and she can only use each power every three minutes. The device she uses is a watch like item attached to her wrist. I tried prying it off, it's glued to her like—well, glue. When she activates the device, the effects is applied to anyone and anything touched by the beam of light." Megamind paused. He looked up.

"Bingo, little buddy."

* * *

Meanwhile in Hourly Pandora's abandoned watch shop, Roxanne found herself tied to a cushiony bench. It was dark all around her; the only light came from the streetlamps outside.

"Surprised?" Hourly Pandora emerged from the darkness, arms crossed and a smirk on her face.

"Not really. No one else would kidnap me." Roxanne said, struggling with the ropes. "You're pretty bad at tying up your victims. I could easily slip through."

"Perhaps, but I wouldn't advise that course of action." Hourly Pandora said before turning back into the dark. "You see I'm what you people call a villain. God forbid I try to work against the Capitalist system once in a while."

Roxanne could hear a flip, something like a switch, and a whir of machinery. She narrowed her eyes, hoping to be able to distinguish what Hourly Pandora was doing. "I've been kidnapped too many times to not know what you have there."

"Yes, Megamind did have a knack for kidnapping you. I remember all those broadcasts of his stupidity on the TV. He wasn't a very good supervillain, way too campy and not enough evil."

"Not surprising he turned to good, isn't it?"

"Pretty much." The loud noise of the machinery suddenly stopped.

Roxanne craned her neck, hoping to catch a glimpse of what Hourly Pandora was carrying before the light could reveal what was in her hands. She rolled her eyes when she saw the abnormally large ray gun in Hourly Pandora's hands. "An abnormally large ray gun? Very original."

Hourly Pandora merely shrugged. "It's not for you."

"Like he hasn't made larger ray guns."

Hourly Pandora again just shrugged and set the gun in front of the door. "It's not like your typical ray gun. It's more like an enhanced version of my watch. More accurate and a longer time limit." She turned a dial on the abnormally large ray gun, and it whirred.

"Not very surprising, really." Roxanne said, still squirming under the ropes. "He'll pull through whatever tricks you manage to throw at him." She managed to free one arm and reached around to find the knot. Just when she was about to completely untie herself, Hourly Pandora turned the gun and shot her.

Roxanne was suspended in midair. She couldn't move.

"Surprised now? Before, my watch would only slow people down. Now, it can slow down time so much that the victim is nearly stopped in time." Hourly Pandora patted her ray gun proudly, and walked over to Roxanne. "The effects are much long this time, too. Three minutes."

If Roxanne could gasp she would have.

"Don't worry, I won't kill you. I mean, I could, God forbid I work against the system once in a while. I just need to get the one thing in the way of my planned downfall of Grandfather Watch." Hourly Pandora pointed the gun back at the door. "I sent the message a while ago. I wonder what's taking your boyfriend so long."

Suddenly, a slam at the back door was heard. Hourly Pandora raised an eyebrow. From above, they could hear the creaks of the floorboards. Hourly Pandora furrowed her eyebrows.

"Hello."

Megamind breathed in. The plan was simple enough. Minion, disguised as Megamind, would surprise Hourly Pandora. Then, Megamind would swoop in from above, knock out Hourly Pandora, get Roxanne and WHAMMO they can all go home.

"Hello." That was the cue. Megamind grabbed his trusty ray gun, preparing the dehydration phase. That is, he would be preparing the dehydration phase if it weren't for the gun jamming.

"I fixed this thing yesterday!" Megamind hissed under his breath, using all of his feeble strength to get the revolver to turn.

"Um, hello! Hello? Hell—AAHH!"

"Minion!" Megamind gasped, fingering at the floor to find the groove of the ceiling boards. He pulled a board back and peeked, seeing the abnormally large ray gun shoot Minion with one large beam of light. Minion, disguised as Megamind, was frozen in time. "That fiend! A freeze-in-time ray gun was _my_ idea!" Megamind attempted to fix his ray gun, slamming the side of it with his palm.

"Really? Is Megamind _this_ predictable?" Hourly Pandora chuckled. "Though I'm sure his friend is around somewhere." She observed, turning the abnormally large ray gun side to side.

Roxanne felt helpless. She couldn't do anything until the three minutes were up, and even then there's a great chance that she would be shot again.

Megamind grew increasingly frustrated. "Come on, stupid ray gun. I have to save the love of my life! And Minion!" He groaned, throwing the ray gun down. "Stupid inventions."

"Up there!"

Megamind shrieked as a beam of light shot right next to his arm. He quickly scurried as far away from the ray gun as possible, managing to dodge the beams that came his way. Unfortunately he reached a dead end, though it seemed Hourly Pandora had calmed down from her tirade. He breathed, having held his breath all the way. The situation seemed hopeless. "What would Metroman do? That superhero, he could have at least come along for the ride. What, with his superstrength and supervision and great hair and shiny teeth that can reflect the sun's light." He paused. "Reflect light." He slapped himself on the head. "Of course, I'm such an idiot!"

Roxanne could feel the three minutes end, as she was slowly able to move her fingers. She slowly reached over to where the knot was, slowly pulling away at the rope. Suddenly, time resumed in her state and she was able to untie herself. Roxanne grabbed the rope and jumped off the bench, running towards Hourly Pandora.

She hoped to reach the villain before Hourly Pandora could notice, but the assailant managed to turn in time to catch Roxanne's escape. Roxanne managed to dodge the first beam, and with a rush of adrenaline managed to lasso Hourly Pandora. Unfortunately, she was caught in a second beam of light and her assault was incomplete.

"Too bad, and for a second I thought you would've gotten me."

"Almost for her, but for me, the second hand ticks away."

Hourly Pandora quickly turned, pointing the ray gun at Megamind.

"Ollo." Megamind said, grinning. In his hand he had a fairly small pocket mirror.

Hourly Pandora laughed. "You really think a small mirror like that can reflect my abnormally large ray gun?"

"Yes."

Hourly Pandora shot one blast at Megamind. Much to her surprise the blast bounced off the small mirror, flew out of a broken store window and landed on a poor, unsuspecting cat. She looked back, absolutely mortified.

"I'm pretty sure that abnormally large ray gun of yours won't work another time." Megamind chuckled, blowing on his mirror as if it was his ray gun.

"Well, we'll just have to see about that!" Hourly Pandora cried out, pulling the trigger. Nothing happened. She pulled the trigger again. Still, nothing happened. "M-My gun!"

"Your abnormally large ray gun." Megamind corrected.

"My abnormally large ray gun! What's happening?"

Megamind chuckled, circling the ray gun and patting Hourly Pandora on the shoulder. "You may know a lot about watches, but you know nothing about machines. You didn't even notice how your ray gun was steaming with all the shots you fired. It overheated, and now it's broken."

"No! It can't be!" Hourly Pandora continued to pull the trigger. "It can't be!"

"Minion, prepare the spray! And stop acting like you're in suspended animation, I know the effects wore off a while ago."

Minion switched the watch to bring back his usual appearance. He pulled out the spray and sprayed Hourly Pandora, who fell to the ground in an unconscious heap. "I was waiting for _just_ the right moment, sir." He said, blowing on the spray can as if it was a ray gun, then spinning it in his robotic hand and placing it back in its designated holder.

"Of course you were." Megamind said, rolling his eyes. He walked over to Roxanne and sat down next to her suspended body. He smirked. "Just so you know, you have about one minute and thirty seconds left."

Roxanne wanted to sigh. She felt so relieved that this whole ordeal was over. She also wanted to smooth Megamind. Her first action couldn't be fulfilled at the moment, but Megamind managed to do the latter for her. If she could smile, her smile would have torn through her ears.

"Happy half year, Roxanne." Megamind said, smiling warmly. "Sorry, the roses are still back at the lair."

Roxanne yelped as the effects wore off and she fell to the ground. She groaned, sore from all the suspended animation, but managed to sit comfortably on the ground. "Happy half year, Megamind." She said, leaning in for a kiss. "And it's okay, I'll see them later." She kissed him again.

Minion smiled, warmed by the affectionate scene. "Oh, right, well I better go bake those night cookies. Don't want them, uh, unbaked!" He quickly rushed out of the abandoned watch store, making sure to pick up Hourly Pandora on his way out. "You'd think they'd find a better place for the kissing and everything." He said, resisting the temptation to look back even when he could hear Megamind say, "You temptress."

**THAT WAS LONG**. **And Deus Ex Machina, anyone? **


End file.
